Jack the Stripper
by l'ange-gauche
Summary: Jane and Kelli find a pair of dreamy pirate man-boys at a strip club in Los Angeles. Truly a dream made reality.
1. Default Chapter

Two young girls, perhaps only eighteen years old, are taking a private stroll through downtown Los Angeles, smiling and pointing at attractive young gentlemen as they pass on the street. It is nighttime, and the two are noticeably excited, charged with the edginess and bravado that darkness brings out in children of the Decadent Age. The first is delicate, with fair, blushing skin and vibrant orange hair that falls down her back. She is wearing jeans and a clean white t-shirt over her thin frame. Several plastic bangles, blue and black, the type that had become popular during the first few years of the 21st century, hang about her wrists. The second is about three inches taller than her friend, with brown, shoulder length hair; she wears a black tank top, a bright pink skirt over bare legs, and large, flamboyant earrings of a 'mod' style. The earrings are composed of a green hoop and a pink ball, and they fall almost to her shoulders. The girls smile at one another as a young man passes them, turning his head slightly to look at them again when they have passed out of his line of vision. As they are passing a small alleyway that branches off from the main street, or The Strip, they turn their heads. Raucous laughter fills the air, both male and female. As they peek around the corner to see what is going on, they are surprised to see five familiar faces. "Jane!" a small girl with brown hair and an outfit that could best be described as 'skanky' exclaimed, running up to give the other brunette a hug. Then she turns to the red-head, and hugs her. "Kelli!" "Hey Annie," Kelli says, a little confused. "What are you guys doing here? I thought you were going out to eat." "We were," another girl interjects. She is blonde and blue-eyed, an Aryan poster-child, and a sarcastic smirk tilts her face. "Obviously, we're not anymore." While she was speaking, Jane wandered over to where two other girls were leaning against the alley wall, referring to a sweet-looking blonde with brown eyes and a bright green "Trojans" t-shirt as 'Melanie' and a shorter, preppy looking girl with a darker shade of blonde as 'Sara'. "Shut up, Kailey." A brunette with thick, wavy hair (wearing a t-shirt that reads 'Viva la France!') says laughingly. "Kelli, we decided just to stop at Pizza Hut, and we ate really quick. Then we went out looking for you, and found these guys instead." For the first time, Jane and Kelli notice a group of five males standing to the back of the alley. They had been silent for the entire conversation, standing in the shadows, and now stepped forward to say hello. Kelli leans over Jane's shoulder to whisper, "Aw...not enough men for us." When Jane laughed, she continued. "Hey Lisa, why don't you introduce us?" Lisa, the little French girl, pointed out each of the boys. "Roger, Nick, Christian, Dan, and Ricky." Roger, a tall, attractively tanned boy, walks up and shakes each of the girls' hands, saying, "Hey, yeah, I'm Roger. Me and the guys work down at Pirate's Booty." "Heh," Jane laughs. "Like 'Jolly Roger? That's clever..." she stands, laughing at my own private joke and cleverness while everybody looks at her the way one would look at a stoner. Then she raises her eyebrow. "Wait...Pirate's Booty...isn't that a strip club?" Roger nods 'yes' and asks. "Hey, care to come down? Our shift starts in about ten minutes." Jane smiles brightly. "Yeah, sure!" she exclaims, then, to cover up her excitement and obvious understanding of strip clubs. "Uh, I mean, because...you know, I've never been to one before... and, uh... it would be a new experience... for me, 'cause I've never been to one..." Nobody was buying it. "Oh fine!" Jane yelled, exasperated. "Let's just go!" The seven girls and five boys, who, with the exception of Roger, who spoke frequently, had spoken off and on during their walk to the strip club, arrived at 'Pirate's Booty' within a few minutes. It was a very nice place, with a modest wooden sign in the front to announce it's name, and built like a real theatre on the inside; fifty seats, tables and booths situated around a three sectioned circular stage, an impressive bar toward the back, and several doors that performers and staff were continuously disappearing into. The girls were smiling and looking around, their eyes drawn to the middle stage because of its convenience, when suddenly a familiar looking man steps out into the center. At first, Jane cannot place him. He is clean shaven and young, with soft waves of brown hair partially tied back in a pony-tail. In fitting with the club, he was wearing a costume of brown pants tucked into brown leather boots, a ruffled white shirt, and vest. He is very slowly removing each article of clothing from his lean, long body in tune with some adventurous music; it sounds like some kind of theme, but again, Jane cannot place it. She turned to her left when Kelli gasped softly, eyes growing to the size of dinner plates. "Oh my god!" she whispers to Jane. "It's Orlando! I know it is!" Everything clicks into place. The buccaneer premise, the costumes, the gentleman on stage... even the music suddenly makes sense; it is all from a movie she had seen when she was in the 10th grade, "Pirates of the Caribbean". The man on stage was none other Orlando Bloom, a few years older than when he had been in the movie, but young and handsome nonetheless. Kelli and the rest of the girls seemed to have realized it immediately, and Kelli began to look around nervously. "Should I go up to him?" Lisa raised an eyebrow. "Kelli, he's taking off his clothes in a strip club." She said, as if that should explain what Kelli should do. Kelli shook her head, confused, and Lisa sighed. "Throw some money at him and he'll probably ask you to come on stage with him." Kelli nodded and grabbed Jane's hand, "Come with me." Jane grins. "Okay!" The pair of them run up to the platform, Kailey's voice yelling after them; "But don't throw quarters! They don't like it when you throw quarters!" They get to the stage and stare upward. Orlando has taken off all his clothes, down to his tight white little boxers, and Kelli's mouth hung open. Then, with a little flourish, he swoops all the money he has collected on stage into his underwear, jumping off the stage. Show over, the girls (and some guys) move on to another stage, where Roger is beginning his own strip tease (the boys had left the seven girls immediately upon entering the club, citing jobs that they would have to do. Roger's involved stripping, but some of the other boys worked in the bar). Lisa and Annie were laughing together, while Kailey looked fairly bored. She had a boyfriend back home, after all. Kelli was in awe as Orlando walked by, then suddenly blurted, softly, "I love you." Orlando stopped, and turned to look at her.  
"Excuse me?"  
Kelli turned bright red. "I... uh... I didn't say anything..." "Yes you did." He accused with a little smile. 'You just said you loved me. That's sweet. I must be a good dancer." "Oh, you definitely are." Kelli nods. Just for the sake of fun, Jane asked spontaneously. "What's your name?" "Will Turner." He replied pleasantly. "Oh really..." Jane said with a smile. "You wouldn't happen to have any friends for me, would you?" Suddenly the lights began to dim. Will shrugged. "Yeah, my friend-," Loud music with a thundering bass began to boom out of the speakers located at every corner of the room, and a strobe begins to flash. Jane turned slowly, as if in a dream, to look at the empty center stage. A door was thrown open, and a spotlight flashed. She screamed. "OH MY GOD! KELLI! LOOK!" Kelli grabbed her arm. "Oh my GOD! Is that...?!" 'Will' nodded a little dejectedly. "Yeah, that's Jack." Jack began to dance. Jane felt a little lightheaded, like she might pass out from the sheer sexuality of it all. Jack Sparrow, dancing on a lighted stage, gyrating and taking off his pirate clothes, scarf and shirt and sash and... Oh my god... Jane rushed to the stage, and managed to keep herself on the ground (rather than climbing on to the stage and ripping off the scant remainder of Jack's clothes). Kelli turned to Orlando, noticing his crestfallen eyes. Immediately moved with sympathy, she asked. "What's the matter?" Orlando... well, supposedly it would be Will... shrugged sadly. "Jack gets all the attention, is all. Girls hardly pay attention to me after they see him." "Are you serious?" Sara asked. She'd recognized Orlando Bloom the moment he'd stepped out onto that stage. She didn't like him so much, but she knew at least ten girls that did. She knew only one who liked that other actor- guy... what was his name again? "Hey," she asked. "What's that guys name?" "Jack," Will said automatically. Kailey leaned over to whisper in her ear. "That's Johnny Depp. It's a little creepy in here, isn't it? Everybody going by their Pirates of the Caribbean name?" Sara nodded, and they both turned to watch as 'Jack' removed his shirt, revealing a tan, thick cord of muscle along his abdomen. "Then again," Kailey said. "It's not so bad." "No kidding." Off to the side, Kelli looked up at Will from under her red eyelashes. "I'm sure Jack's great, but... I like you much better." Will looked down at her, his eyes lighting, and took her arm in his. "Love, would you care to join me in the back room?" Back at the stage, Jane is restraining another scream as Jack Sparrow removes the belt around his pants. He has taken off the majority of his 'effects'; sash, boots, shirt and quite a few pieces of jewelry (which are all in Jane's possession because he threw them into the crowd, and she wrestled them away from several other girls (as well as one gay man who called her 'honey' and gave her a good long scratch on her forearm, but she beat him)), all but a few gold necklaces still lay on his bare chest. A thin line of hair trailed from his belly button to his unmentionable pants region, and he reached down to undo the ties. Jane fainted. More likely, the gay man got angry again and hit her over the head with a shoe so that he could steal some of the booty she got off of Jack Sparrow's (hot sexy) body when she blacked out. Either way, she became unconscious. 


	2. Jack the Stripper 2

she wrestled them away from several other girls (as well as one gay man who called her 'honey' and gave her a good long scratch on her forearm, but she beat him)), all but a few gold necklaces still lay on his bare chest. A thin line of hair trailed from his belly button to his unmentionable pants region, and he reached down to undo the ties. Jane fainted. More likely, the gay man got angry again and hit her over the head with a shoe so that he could steal some of the booty she got off of Jack Sparrow's (hot sexy) body when she blacked out. Either way, she became unconscious.  
  
When Jane woke up, the glitter often accompanying a bout of unconsciousness swimming before her eyes, Jack Sparrow was kneeling over her. Holding her up by the waist with one hand, and shooing his fans away with the other, Jack asked immediately; "Are you okay, love?" Suddenly, Jane is overwhelmed by the sight of the roguish pirate, and she leaned forward to kiss him, right in the middle of the strip club. As the two made their way over to a private, shaded booth, Jane spotted the gay who hit her over the head with a shoe. He glared at her jealously, and Jane snatched the necklace out of his hand as she passed. If she hadn't been so preoccupied with Jack Sparrow sucking her face, she would have turned around to watch the gay throw the contents of his drink after her. His shot fell short, and Jane was not interrupted. They finally collapsed into the booth, drew the curtains partially around themselves, and began kissing passionately. Unfortunately, they hadn't closed the curtains entirely, and Jane's friends interrupt what was obviously a very personal event. They interrupt and make the lovers join them at a table for food. Them and their stupid eating. Always wanting to survive. What a load of- "Hey Jane, just curious, but do you even know this guy's na-," Lisa began. In the middle of a conversation that promised to be very irritating for Jane, Will and Kelli stepped out of a nearby door. Will's clothes were partly askew, and Kelli's hair was disheveled. There was a rip down the right thigh of her tights. They both laughed and smiled, but Kelli's face paled when she noticed the familiar (surprised) faces. "Uh... hi guys." Only Jane ignored her as she ran her hand up and down the length of Jack's thigh underneath their table. Also, Sara might have been talking to a bartender, but nobody bothered to look at her during that period. Jack was too composed to make a scene. He smirked at Will and stilled Jane's hand when Will smiled at him wryly; jealous because he always gets the skankier girls. "I'm going to the bar. Have a drink?" Jane asked. Jack nodded, and said his order very softly, forcing Jane to lean in to hear when he repeated it. "Yes, I'll have a Caribbean martini and a blow job, if you please." Jane laughed. "I figure you can get one of the two from Will while I'm gone." She said, nodding at the younger man suggestively. "Quite right, m'lady." Jack said, leering. "Will! Go get me a martini." Will nodded and stood up, leaving Kelli at the table, and Jack grinned at Jane. "Well, I guess that leaves only one thing left to be accounted for, eh, lovely?" "You know that's not what I meant," Jane replied. "Yes, well, my tastes run more to the fairer sex when I can help it." "Hm... I don't see anyone like that around." Jack looked her up and down seductively. He stood up and took her hand in his. "Come with me." Jane did. Kelli leaned over the table dramatically when she told her friends about how she and Will Turner commenced intimate relations in the back room, and they were all jealous (though they were masking it quite well). "I can't believe you would just have sex with him!" Lisa whispered loudly. "You don't even know him! He could have an STD!" "Oh shut up, he didn't have an STD." She said, then lowered her voice. "I would have been able to tell. He was totally awesome-," Annie's eyes widened and she laughed maniacally. "Yes! Kelli! Finally following in my footsteps! Or... like, sex-steps, wait- no, I don't know." Kelli rocked back on her heels and laughed. Kailey just shook her head. "I can't believe I hang out with you whores." Will returned suddenly with Jack's drink; a Caribbean martini, complete with a tiny pink parasol. Will smiled sheepishly. "Jack likes them..." He looked around to find that Jack had disappeared. He sits down next to Kelli. "Where did Jack go to?" The other girls' eyes widened as they looked around. "I don't know." Kailey said. "But Jane's gone too." Then she rolled her eyes. "Because she would have been giggling about the 'whores' thing. God, she loves that word." Will, who didn't understand the reference to Jane's 'whore' affinity (he also wouldn't know that she was approached by gay men 250% more than by straight men, but that's another story), looked down at the martini. "Well, this is much too strong for my tastes. Would any of you care for it?" Annie snatched it out of his hand and sipped. "Not bad..." she said like the true Italian connoisseur that she was. She hailed a waiter and ordered a Chianti. Lisa shook her head. Kailey laughed. Sara and Melanie were totally at a loss. They didn't know why they were there or what was going on. It was very sad, how they were totally left out of the story until mentioned in passing during this short paragraph, where they do nothing. Very sad indeed. Will leaned over and ran his fingers through a few strands of Kelli's hair. "I love your hair," he said softly. "it's the most beautiful color." Kelli raised her chin at her friends, smirking. "Hear that? It's beautiful." Will laughed and kissed her neck quickly, then stood up. "Be right back, have to go notify the next dancers that their shift is coming up. I won't be long, eh?" "Okay," Kelli replied sweetly. "be back soon." "I will." The waiter returned with the Chianti and Annie took it, but the waiter appeared to be waiting for payment of some kind. Annie looked at the waiter, at the drink, and then leaned backward across her chair, tapping the shoulder of a man sitting behind her. He turned around, and she shook the bottle at him; "Think you could pick this up for me?" The man looked from Annie to the waiter, then nodded vigorously as he took a few bills out of his pocket. When the waiter had left, Annie smiled at him and turned back around, pouring some drinks while the man watched in confusion. There is a lull. "Aww..." Melanie said sweetly, reminding us all that she was there. "He called you 'love'!" "What?" Lisa asked. "Who?" "Will called Kelli 'love'." She said, still smiling. "Like ten minutes ago." Kailey replied. "But don't worry Mel, I love you." Suddenly two of the guys that introduced the club came over to the table. "Hey," Dan said shyly, holding out a drink to Melanie. "I was wondering if you'd care to sit with me over at the bar there, and talk... until my shift is over?" Melanie shrugged, smiled like the cute little kitten that she was, and stood up. "Sure!" Then Ricky turned to Sara. "Would you like to join us? My shift should be over in about twenty minutes, then I could take you out to dinner...?" Sara nodded. "Of course." The four of them left. Kelli, Kailey, Annie, and Lisa were still at the table when Jane stumbled back, breathing heavily, and collapsed into a chair. "Holy shit!" Jane gasped, grinning broadly. "Jesus Christ!" Kailey yelled. Jane had managed to knock over a few drinks and the liquid was spilling everywhere. "What is your problem?!" 


	3. Jack the Stripper 3

Jane grabbed Kailey's arm so she was looking her square in the eyes. "Jack Sparrow happened, love." Lisa raised an eyebrow. "Damn, you're weird. Just how much sex have you had?" But she was spared from answering that question as the remaining four boys arrived at the table. Nick held out his hand to Lisa, expressive green eyes studying her. "I've got drinks up at the bar-," Lisa began to shake her head, but he cut her off. "and if you're not much of a drinker, I'm pretty good company myself, with or without alcohol." Lisa shook her brown curls attractively and took his hand. They waited as Christian, a darkly attractive man who resembled a young Hannibal Lector, walked up to Annie and simply said, "Hello." Annie stood up, smoothed her skirt, and took his arm. "Alcohol?" she asked. "Of course." Then Roger began to approach Jane. "Hullo, Jane. Just curious if you'd like-," A shadow fell across the table, and she looked up, but the figure was standing directly in front of a light; Jane could not see who it was. "If you don't mind-," the man said in a familiar accent. "-Roger, I'd appreciate it if you'd leave this lovely alone and entertain yourself elsewhere." Jack took her hand in his, and raising it to his lips, kissed each finger affectionately. "She's taken." Roger's face fell, but there was nothing Jane could do; Jack Sparrow was licking her fingers. So Roger turned to Kelli, who had thus far been staring off after Will's exit, and began to ask her if she'd care for a drink, but then Will returned from an opposite direction. "Not your day, is it?" he asked contemptuously, raising Kelli out of her chair and capturing her lips in a kiss. Roger was absolutely crestfallen, so Kailey stood up and held out her arm. "I'll come with you." She said with a sympathetic shrug. They began to walk off as the remaining four of us heard Kailey mutter, "Jesus Christ!" Jane looked up. Annie was dancing on the stage, taking off her top while rock music played in the background. Jane laughed slightly, and Jack takes hold of her chin, guiding it toward his lips. "Something funny love?" he asks in a smooth, seductive tone. Jane can hardly remember why she laughed. He leans in to kiss her, but a puzzled look comes across his face. He looks up, still holding her chin. "Will, where's my drink?" Jane grabbed his shoulders and kissed him. 


End file.
